Sooo, lots has happened in our lives in the last few months, and I haven't blogged about any of it. I told you, I suck at this. But I will shortly be blogging about all of it. Sophie being born, us being in Washington, my internship. So be looking forward to these coming attractions. Right now I am doing my fulltime internship here in Washington and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I hate having to leave Sophie everyday, even though I know that she is in good hands. I feel like I am missing so much of her. I keep telling myself that's it's better to miss her now than later when she's doing the really important stuff, like saying her first words, taking her first steps, etc., but the truth is that it's all important, and I hate missing any of it. But I want to finish my degree. It's a promise I made to myself a long time ago and I'm going to do it. I also want to set a good example for Sophie. I want her, someday when she wants to give up on school or whatever it is in her life that she thinks she can't do, to be able to look to my example and to see that I did it, I finished what I promised I would. I also want her to know how important it is for women to get an education, regardless if they are going to be "just a stay at home mom".
And I hate that phrase, by the way. Now that I have Sophie, I understand and have gained just a glimpse into how much all mom's sacrifice for and love their children. It is something that no one can truly understand until they've experienced it. I would do anything for Sophie--anything. I love her in a way that I can't explain. I know all parents say that, but it's completely true. It's helped me to understand a little better the sacrifice that Heavenly Father made for us in given His only Begotten Son for our sake. Even knowing what He knows, I still cannot imagine how unbearable that must have been.
But I have a new respect for my parents and for how much better they know me and for how much more they love me than I thought. It is the hardest job in the world and anyone who thinks that staying at home with your children all day isn't a respectable calling must not have children or doesn't understand how important it is for children to have a mother in the home raising them, if possible. My mom worked growing up because it was what she had to do to keep our family alive, but even then she did everything she could to make sure we had at least one parent at home with us all of the time. And what a difference it makes. Soon I hope to be able to do this. If anything this internship is helping me gain a greater appreciation for being able to be at home with my children someday fulltime. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but I feel like it's my calling in life to be a mom. I love it. It's definitely something that took some time to get used to, and which I am still getting used to everyday. It turns your world upside down, inside out, and something which doesn't let you sleep, like ever. Good thing the rewards and blessings are ten fold. :)
I keep thinking that there's going to be a day that I will finally say, "I can't do this anymore!" But I've been doing it now for almost 4 weeks, and I know I can finish. It's been a huge faith builder and it's taught me to learn to rely on other people and to let them help me. I've always had a hard time letting others help me, but right now I have to let them. I couldn't be doing this without them. So count down with me the weeks until I finish my internship and hopefully get to be at home with my little sweetheart. 10 weeks and counting.
And can I just say that I absolutely love my husband. He has been a saint through all of this, including labor. :) I love him, and I truly could not do this without him. His mom has also been wonderful. She watches Sophie for us while we're both working, she lets us live in her house rent free, she feeds us her food, and she has a smile while she's doing it. I am so thankful and try to count my blessings everyday. I also want to say how much I love my mom and family. I miss them terribly and am so thankful for their love and support as we navigate our way through this new chapter in our lives. We are truly blessed and thank our Heavenly Father for all that we have.
So, long story short, be looking forward to my post about Sophie's birth, even though she's now 3 months old and quite the chunk, and to more information about my internship and about where we are in life and what we're up to. Thanks for your patience, love, and support. It truly means the world to us right now.
1 month ago