Thursday, January 31, 2013

Pictureless Post

So since our iMac is starting to give us the first troubles since we've had it had and has decided to not let me open or use our iPhoto (boo!), this will be a pictureless post. Just wanted to write things for memories someday. This winter here in the great northwest has been more mild than the last few, but the rain is still so hard for me to get used to. I honestly don't know what to do with our kids. I grew up outside, all the time. Literally. I loved to horseback ride, go on walks, play soccer, run, go out in the desert and make forts, anything! So I really struggle with knowing what to do with our kids when it is wet 90% of the time. And if I hear one more person tell me that my kids are waterproof I'm going to squirt them with a hose. They may be waterproof, but when you're little, it's awful hard to walk in the mud without falling and to not get cold and miserable from being wet. And the playgrounds aren't very useful when all the slides have little ponds at the bottom and all the swings are full of water.

Don't get me wrong, it is absolutely stunning here, but growing up in the desert I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I just don't have the vision for it yet. I miss the sun. I miss warmth on my skin. The smell of the sun as it warms the earth and grass. Being hot. Even sweating. I miss it. My southern Californian, high desert, Pearblossom heart is missing home. I know people love it here, but I don't know if I can ever love having the rain around for 9 months out of the year. Especially with little kids.

Alright, enough of that. The kids are doing great, besides wanting to play outside more (we do play outside, but for limited amounts of time, i.e. until someone gets soaked enough to start crying). Sophie is in Preschool Tuesday and Wednesday from 9-11:30 with Miss Tiffany and she LOVES it. I'm learning that she has a little bit of a hard time playing with other kids. She's always been very calm and go with the flow. She's never been hyper, a climber, rambunctious, etc., so when she's around kids who are (which is almost every other child), she doesn't quite know what to do. She also loves movies and computers, phones, etc. way too much. We really have been limiting her. But kids do come how they are in their likes and interests and overall tones, and she is a mild, relaxed kid. It's great, but sometimes I want her to be crazy and hyper while she can. I hope that I haven't been so controlling as a parent that I have made her into a little adult. But she has always been that way to a point, even as a baby. I guess we just do the best we can and hope not to screw them up too badly. I mean I guess I came out ok, and my parents are crazy...just kidding mom. :)

She really is such a good, sweet, sensitive girl, and when she's around kids who are more calm like her, she does just fine. I am learning to love her as she is, and to see the talents and gifts that she possesses instead of comparing her to other kids. She is great and I don't want to change her. I do want to encourage her to try new things and to experience life to its fullest.

She is now a Sunbeam, and because of Noah's difficulties in Nursery I haven't been able to sneak a peak at her in sharing time or anything yet. But this Sunday I hope to be able to catch a glimpse of the cuteness. She is so excited to be in Nursery and loves to sing and answer questions. She is our smart girl and her teachers love her.

Noah, on the other hand, though sweet and sensitive as well, is like a tornado. He literally makes messes faster than I can possibly clean them up, and many times it wears my patience thin. I have been learning a lot as a mom of 2 toddlers, and sometimes I am not at my finest. But I learn and say I'm sorry if I was too harsh or if I yelled and we move on to have a better day. The beauty of children is that they honestly forgive and forget. The moment you hug them, say you're sorry, and tell them you love them, they wipe their eyes and ask you to have a tea party with them. I can truly see why the Savior admonishes us to be more like them, in every aspect. They are so pure and so full of love. Little Noah especially. It is so fun to see the differences between he and Sophie. He is very much a boy, in every aspect. He loves cars, trucks, balls, running, throwing, tackling, etc. He isn't a climber either, thank goodness, but boy is he attached to us, especially me. That is one of the beauties and downfalls of living so close to family. He is never watched by anyone else.

Nursery has been especially difficult for him. You would think the world is ending the minute the closing sacrament prayer is said. He gets very clingy and starts to pout. The pout turns into watery eyes. They watery eyes turn into crying and then sobs. It is literally the saddest thing I have ever seen. He is just now starting to be able to be left in there after over 4 months of going to nursery. But he is doing so good and I have never been prouder than to look in and see him dancing and playing with the other kids. He still is soo upset when we leave, but he is able to calm down now and actually participate. He is so tender and sweet. But he will hit you if you anger him. So watch out. Like I said, a tornado.

Josh is doing well at work. He likes his job, but sometimes the compensation isn't what he wants it to be. We're hoping in the next little bit that he'll be put into the branch manager training program and then be put in as a branch manager somewhere. We're not sure where, and technically he could go wherever there's an opening in the country, but we'll see what happens. I would like to go somewhere warmer, but he's a Washington boy through and through. Like I said, we'll see what happens. :) He is teaching Seminary right now for church, which means a 5 am wake up call for him, poor guy. He loves teaching the kids and starting his morning out teaching the Gospel, but boy is he tired. It's been a lot harder for me as well, which is not something I was expecting. He basically goes to seminary and work, comes home, eats, prepares his lesson in our room, then goes to bed. He does the best he can to help, but it's been a lot more responsibility on me to get the kids cleaned up after dinner, entertained for a couple of hours, and then ready for bed after spending all day with them. I will never take that time for granted again when he is no longer teaching seminary.

And I am doing pretty good. I have a good friend base here, and our ward is awesome, but sometimes I feel misplaced here, like I didn't choose it. I don't know how to explain it. I just never thought we'd settle here. I always pictured us somewhere else, so the longer we're here, the harder time I'm having adjusting the idea I had for our lives. We may not end up here, we don't know, and that's the part that is the hardest for me. I like to know what's gonna happen and then to plan for every possible variation of that scenario. And then to talk about it over, and over, and over--again, and again, and again. Poor Josh. :)

I do like it here, but I just feel unsettled. Like I said, I don't really know how to explain it. I want to live somewhere we both choose. Maybe I'll just have to switch my attitude and choose Washington, since we ultimately go where there's a job. But we'll see.

As a family, we are truly so blessed and grateful for all we have. We are happy, healthy, and optimistic for the future. There's not much more you could ask for. :) Sorry this is so long, but it is a blog and I am a talker. Ciao!