Tuesday, May 17, 2011

We're Doin' Alright

So now that I have two kids and have had them for 6 weeks and 3.5 days, I can safely say that we're doin' alright. It seems normal to have 2 kids now and I love the mother it's helping me to become. Don't worry, I still have "those" days (the ones where you don't think you'll make it out alive), but overall things have transitioned relatively smoothly. It's always hard once your mom leaves, moms make everything better, but once she was gone and I knew that it was me or me who had to take care of things, I somehow found the strength and determination to do it. Funny how that always happens. We're always so much more capable than we think we are.

But Noah is still the same sweet baby he was when he was born. All babies are beautiful, precious, and sweet, but some just seem a little bit more so than others...if you know what I mean. ;) He seems to already have the patience of a saint, he will wait for me while I take care of Soph--even if he's starving, he loves when you talk to him, and his needs are very basic. If he's dry, fed, and comfy, he's good to go. It might just be my confidence as a second time mom, but things seem so much easier this time around. I feel like I'm getting spoiled and that baby #3 will be our wild child since my first two have been so easy. Or maybe their teenage years are going to be their wild years--who knows! I don't know which I'd prefer, crazy babies, or crazy teens. How bout neither. :) We'll see, no one gets that lucky. haha

Soph is still great as a big sister. She genuinely loves her brother, and it's so wonderful to see her affection towards him. Apparently I wasn't so loving to my twin younger sisters, although I'm perfect so I don't know if I believe my mother's horror stories, but I'm grateful she is such a good girl with him. Rarely do we have to remind her to be gently, although she doesn't show too much interest in wanting to hold him yet, which might be a good thing right now. She has already developed so much more in her language and communication skills, probably out of necessity since I ignore her if I can't understand her because I'm so busy doing other stuff. She is so smart and the things she knows and understands amazes me everyday. Children are so much deeper than I ever understood and it truly is a testament to what Heavenly Father means when he says we should be more like little children. They are so forgiving and pure, no inhibitions or ulterior motives (yes, I just googled how to spell that word, totally thought it was with an a!), yet they aren't stupid. They still understand things so well, they just haven't been corrupted yet.

I'm doing alright too. Noah sleeps like a champ, so that hasn't been too much of an issue this time around. This time it's feeling guilty for always having the tv on to keep Sophie busy while I feed Noah or clean. It's not having the energy or time, or I should say not making the energy or time, to read my scriptures period, forget studying them. It's not feeling like I'm really communicating with my Heavenly Father and always remembering him. Most of the time I say my prayers in bed and fall asleep half way through. I feel lost sometimes, like I don't really know who I am anymore because I never have the time to think about it or worry about it. I am the dishwasher, the caretaker, the bathgiver, the diaper changer, the feeding machine, the food maker, the laundry doer, the mess cleaner upper, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed with great friends and family who help me, especially my sweet husband Josh who always folds the clothes for me, but sometimes I think, should I have waited longer to get married and start a family? I never really had me time. But then I look at the rest of the world and my friends from HS who took that "me time" and aren't anywhere near as happy and content as I am and I think, I am so thankful I married the person I married in the right place and at the right time. And I know my children came when they were supposed to because I prayed about it and felt it was right and then Heavenly Father blessed me with healthy, beautiful babies. There is still a balance to everything and I take me time when I need it, like right now, but I know that my family is shaping me into the person I want to become more than anything else could. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason as I get older and see patterns and the causes and effects of things in my life. I know that Heavenly Father is indeed aware of me and my struggles and that he knows I'm doing my best. I think I feel guilty when I know I'm not doing my best. But sometimes even that's ok, it's impossible to do your best in ever area of your life.

I'm pretty sure Josh is doing ok too. I'm sure he feels like all he does is work, work, work! He is wonderful and always supports me and sometimes listens to me when I rant and rave about life, poor guy. ;) He is a great daddy and loves his family. He shows us everyday by working hard for us and by making sure we're taken care of. He is my other half and I couldn't do this without him.

Overall, we're all doing great. Noah is smiling more everyday and is starting to try to tell us all those thoughts we can see brewing in his mind. I just know he's going to have so much to say once he learns how to say it. I am so thankful for all I have, and I know that at this point in my life I am doing exactly what I should be--being a mother. As Noah gets older, I can start doing all these projects I have in my head that I want to accomplish, but for now I'm just happy to eat, shower, have a clean house, and maybe even a little makeup on. I'm so lucky and I count my blessings if not daily, then at least every other day. ;) haha

Here are a few pictures to show off how cute my kids are. =0)

So beautiful.

Easter baskets! I feel like such a grown-up/mom now that I'm the one who puts the eater baskets out. Sorry to burst your bubble if you still thought the easter bunny was real. :)

Daddy with the kiddos.

Mr. Man showing his personality.

Feet. I've been practicing with my awesome Christmas present that Josh got me. I'm doing ok, but there's definitely room for improvement. Photography is a lot harder than it looks, that's all I have to say.

My cute little darling!
Sophie on Easter.

Mr. Man.

Bath time--he looks a little psychotic here, but we swear he really is so cute!

Anywho, that's my life in a nutshell the last few weeks. Hopefully I'll be back again soon my adoring fans!